Homesick

Does anyone else ever feel homesick or is it just me? Now I am not talking about home in the sense of where you grew up. That is definitely not a place I am homesick for. It holds a lot of hurt and anger mixed with a sprinkling of happiness. 

No, I am talking about homesickness for a home that never existed. It is a feeling I have been battling my entire adult life. Always feeling slightly out of place. Maybe that is why I have been able to so easily (well a lot of stress involved as well…lol) pick up and move.

Don’t get me wrong. I have enjoyed my journey and the people that I have met along the way. Some of those people made huge impacts on my life. But even at those times surrounded by amazing humans, I still felt alone. It is an odd thing to feel lonely when not alone.

There are days when I feel a glimmer of belonging and a sliver of peace. But more days than not, I feel lost. Like a child who let go of their mom’s hand in the grocery store and looks up to see unfamiliar surroundings. That small moment of panic!

I sometimes wonder if this is just a product of my childhood. At other times I wonder if I just have not yet found my home in this world. Only time will tell. I may not even recognize when I have arrived.